just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
