Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
