I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize