My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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