We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
