i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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