I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Randomize
