I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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