stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
