Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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