nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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