It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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