At least make sure they are 18
Why
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
