when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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