remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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