I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
