your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
