LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
