my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
