I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
