You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
