Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize