im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
