found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
