So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
