it wasn't lemon gatorade
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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