Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
