White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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