I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
