I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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