my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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