i wish my penis had a tongue
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
