His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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