bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
