I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize