There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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