I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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