This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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