I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
