So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
