No stitches, just platelets and will power
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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