Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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