Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
