So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Still dying that you shit outside
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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