If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am naked and annoyed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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