i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was like eating out sand paper
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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