He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
