I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I cockslap morals
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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