I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize