you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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