A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
