therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My life is pants optional.
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