He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
