I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
plz talk dirty to me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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