doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize