When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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