I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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