Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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