i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
