I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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