you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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