I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
