I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
