im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
