adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
