I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize