I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it glows. i had to have it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Please don't give away my fajitas
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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