I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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