I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
