At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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