And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
