i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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