You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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