my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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