she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
