Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
