My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
