i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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