his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
