I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
