he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
