Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
