By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
