So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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