her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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