eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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