i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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