you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I will pee on everything he values.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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