And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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