He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
