I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
