It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
