You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
