I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
