Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
