She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
