my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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