i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
