Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
