man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize