I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
