Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want her autograph on my taint
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
