**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
