this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
